25th February 2017 Morning News Wrap

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M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the News:

The Morning News Wrap is written this morning from the perspective of your great Uncle Arthur who is stuck back in the good old days when Sir Robert Menzies was the PM and a gay time was a an ice cream. See a home movie of Uncle Arthur going to the Melbourne – posted link. Click here to see the vid

A South Australian greyhound has tested positive for Amphetamines after a blistering win in a race… I remember the good old days when the only thing we used to give our greyhounds was a few rabbits we had caught out the back paddock. Man they used to run fast then….so did the dogs.

Fighter Jet slides off the runway at a Western Sydney runway….cheap Chinese planes. Remember when Australia actually had a manufacturing sector….Ah the good old days. When I was in school, South Australia used to have electricity too. Oh oh and the only thing that we cared about that was Green was the Green Rod in our counting rods pack that represented 5…..who remembers them. And they didn’t want to stuff the world up with the humanistic policies?

Big big fight between Abbott and Turnbull. Back in my day two blokes would go out the back of the pub and have a punch up and the last man standing was the winner….just let’s do that this time around and stop all the whining. Include Hanson and she would probably win that fight.

Swedish Pollie wants to give workers a daily paid sex break….Phooey….in my day we got sex the old fashion way…..we put a ring on it. And that was way before that half dressed rocker Beyoncé swooned around the stage walking weirdly. You know we had Elvis and that’s all we needed. Oh and Chuck Berry. Now they played music. Who is this kid Justin Beaver? Or that singer that simply can’t move on from her break ups….Is it Estelle or something like that? And what is the other side….? Is she dead? How is she talking to us? And why does she keep saying Hello?

Kim Jon-nam killed by a woman who failed to make it past the first round of Vietnam Idol….I remember the Korean war…From Vung Tau riding Chinooks to the dust at Nui Dat. I’d been in and out of choppers now for months. And we made our tents a home, V.B. and pictures on the lockers. And an Asian orange sunset through the scrub. I was only 19.

I saw a headline that said that a Giraffe giving birth was too sexually explicit to show….so why even have the headline and what are they talking about….Since when are Giraffe’s sexy and when is anything giving birth sexy? Awesome yes. Sexy um no? In my day, the dad went down to the pub (probably to watch pollies fighting out the back) and the hospital rang the father (on the pub phone cause there were no mobiles) with the good news….So many men I know want to bring back the good old days.

Apple is investigating video of melting iPhone 7. You young kids with your new fang dangled gadgets. When I was growing up we had one phone per family. And that’s if we were lucky. It hung on the wall and it had a cord so you couldn’t walk more than 3 feet away from the phone. None of those melted. Just saying. And it kept families together.

Car Bomb kills 51 near al-Bab in Syria….When I turned 17 I got a bomb car….it didn’t kill anyone…it was a little 1969 Corolla. And I put bomb insurance on it. Not because I feared it being blown up from by Syrian silly. Bomb Insurance was a term us oldies used for Third Party Property Insurance.

Uncle Arthur has to go now. I got to have my prunes this morning. I would give you a fact for the day but I really need my prunes.

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