27th February 2017 Morning News Wrap

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M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the News:

Pro Surfer punched in a one punch attack at a Newcastle Bar. He now has serious brain injuries.

Nick Kyrigos has shown yet again that he is a dipstick. Can we send him to the US in one of those people swap deals that we have with Trump. Let’s send Ben Cousins too.

NSW to get seven days of rain. See Pic.

Pauline Hanson shouts 100 beers at a Queensland Pub.

Probably unrelated, support for Hanson has surged and support for the coalition is at a new record low…..maybe Abbott is onto something.

Children filmed train surfing on Melbourne trains.

Manhunt for group who torched Melbourne Islamic centre.

Labor shifts it’s position on the Israel Two State Solution… Oh good as I am sure the Jews and the Palestinians collectively give a huge rip what an opposition party of a nation with 23 million people in it on exactly the opposite side of the planet really thinks what they should do. Well Played Mr Shorten Well Played. Wonder what Abbott thinks? Or Peta Credlin…..oh I bet the Palestinians care what she thinks? At least then she would have found someone who does.

Some radioactive cows have been found in country Victoria. Seeing Spiderman was bitten by a radio active spider….if you ate these cows do you become Bull Man. What would his super power be?

A Brisbane Netballer has had points deducted from her team by the Umpire because of her short skirt.

An Aussie man has died after he stepped in to break up a bar fight in Johannesburg and he was stabbed in the eye with a pool cue.

Headline reads SA green-lights industrial hemp production….It should have read: SA green-candles industrial hemp production.

Drunk driver crashes his truck into a New Orleans Parade.

Trump ditches White House press dinner.

Massive Volcano erupts near Guatemala.

Muhammad Ali Jr detained at an airport in the US and was asked: Are you a Muslim? I bet he replied I Float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. The hands can’t hit what the eyes can’t see. He would have then been tasered

Pakistan Airlines admit overloading planes….Seems safe

Bill Paxton has died during surgery.

Something about an anti-Trump protests or something….Got too bored and my brain had a power nap.

Two Argentinian Police Officers (Male and female) have been caught having sex while on duty in a squad car whilst ignoring a call to respond to a robbery. Let’s see how many funny comments we can come up with about this story. She misunderstood the concept of a full body search….it’s not meant to be on each other people. Oh there was a robbery on…he was stealing her heart. He wanted to try out his handcuffs…..and things got out of hand. Apparently his call sign was Officer McLovin. I have others but that will do. Don’t want to upset the Orwellian Thought Police….at least they don’t have sex with each other.

Fact of the Day: Arab women can initiate a divorce if their husbands don’t pour coffee for them. Many they really love their coffee.

That’s it for today. Mic Drop.

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