1st May 2017 Morning News Wrap

M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the News:
Turnbull is worse that Abbott says QLD Premier….See Link for what I think! What wait….I have an opinion on that?  Click here
Woman falls from Melbourne train platform.
Man run down in Western Sydney carpark.
Two women charged with assaulting a police man in Sydney at Warwick Farm.
One Nation accused of breaking electoral laws….yeah because they had an original thought and that has offend PM Bernie.
Hey so the first ever long life water melon drink has been launched. So relieved.
A Security guard at Hillsong Church has been coward punched.
Bomb threat last night caused the Worship Centre in Brisbane to be evacuated.
Scott Morrison orders GST distribution review.
Anthony Joshua knocks out Wladmir Kitschko…yeah I got no idea either.
Turkey blocks Wikipedia. And it’s not even Thanksgiving. Hey so the other day, after the Turkish Referendum gave sweeping new powers to the leadership of Turkey….someone said….Rise the End Time Beast….Sorry but I couldn’t help but think ‘So the end time beast is a Turkey’. I am so in trouble for that one. Anyway the next day I walked into Coles and saw a Turkey on sale for $6.66. Is this a sign?
Plane lands at Florida airport after losing a wheel mid flight.
Trump commits to the US National Rifle Association that he will wind back the background checks for Americans wanting to buy guns…..Hey all the people who treat Trump as the Messiah….just let’s remember the 10,000 people a year killed by guns in the US. Oh whoops…I spoke against Trump….All the Christians who want to rage….please take a number….Hey just cause you have Jesus doesn’t void you from having an opinion. Even one that’s not mainstream.
Oh and Trump marks his first 100 days in office by saying…..’I thought this job would have been easier’…..Yeah who would have thought being President of the US would actually be difficult. So apparently running international diplomacy in 160 characters or less is difficult. #whowouldhavethought.
Apparently tensions are rising about North Korea…..surely there must be some scale…..for the last month tensions have apparently be rising. When do they reach full tensions…like boiling point….how do we know we are there?…will Pauline Hanson tell us….or the Queensland Premier.
China and Europe are in talks about a Moon Base…yeah and I bet no one considered asking the Man in the Moon. Hey anyone remember Moon Face and where he was from?
Headline reads…Princess Charlotte’s Birthday is near…..sorry but go away….tell me when its actually her birthday….A news story about something approaching is not a news story. Stop being lazy journalist person. Oh actually I don’t even care when it’s her birthday unless its my Princess Charlotte’s Birthday (My Niece), then I am very interested. That’s in two weeks people. It’s approaching.
Apparently also approaching is the 10th Anniversary of the disappearance of Madeline McCann…..again probably not something I need advance notice on.
Ebola ruled out after 11 people die in Liberia.
A famous mountain climber has died on Mt Everest….also not Ebola.
US Climate change march draws thousands and at the same time Unicorns exist.
Fact of the Day: Sloths take two weeks to digest their food.
Have a Magnificent Monday.
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