11th of May 2017 Morning News Wrap

 

M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the News:

Australian Soldier fatally shot in the head near Darwin.

Apparently Clive Palmer is sick and frail and only just made it to court. Can anyone sense my cynicism?

Masterchef judge George Calombaris charged over grand final assault.

Budget protestor doses herself in petrol in front of Parliament house. Taken down in front of Parliament House before lighting herself.

Qantas boss Alan Joyce to press charges over taking a pie in the face. And prepare for a corporate relationship between Qantas and Pie Face.

The treasurer says that Banks would be unwise to pass on the levy cost to customers and went on to say that the banks are responsible and would do the right thing…..I am literally smiling at that thought…..And Santa is real, the Easter Bunny actually poos Easter Eggs, modern day leprechauns are blue and they are called Smurfs and there is irrefutable and clear evidence that Halal certification in Australia funds worldwide terrorism.

Wait up, literally the very next story was ‘Bank CEO’s say customers will pay for the new tax’….And there is the smurf.

Abbott apparently gives his support to the budget….thanks cause someone in Australia cares what former PM’s think….someone…..anyone….Hello its me…..Hello from the other side.

Apparently the future of journalism is going to be examined. Well if they stopped reporting on reality TV, celebrities, and other dumb stuff and actually reported the news, opinion free then…..anyway the Morning News Wrap is neither opinion free nor written by a journalist….so you do the math.

Jacquie Lambie says Parliament is not drug free and that the testing should start there…..A move that the Greens very passionately disagree with.

Headline reads…’Tigerair sells flights for just $1 – but is there a catch’…..Yes I would suggest there is a catch….takeoff is an optional extra.

Hundreds of workers at a nuclear site in the US State of Washington were ordered to take cover after a storage tank collapsed.

Sarah Michelle Gellar reveals post natal depression struggle.

Mexico fireworks explosion kills 14 people.

Trump fires FBI chief….I wonder if he did it like he used to on the Apprentice.

New Baby Dragon species identified. Possibly will be called Gillardus Ridiculousness.

Wall Street down 36 points.

Iran mine blast death toll hits 42.

Fact of the Day: Chuck Norris’s Blood Type is AK-47.

Have a super Thursday.

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