28th June 2017 Morning News Wrap

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M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the News:

 

Chaos across the UK and Europe as hackers take down giant companies. We need Agent 99 to fight Chaos….

 

A Gold Coast husband has returned home from shopping to find his wife, sister in law and mother in law all dead in a trio suicide pact.

 

Australia Post names a woman as the new CEO and pays her less than 50% of what her male predecessor was earning…..reinforcing the sterotype that women are willing to work for less than men.

 

Ugliest Dog for 2017 named. No one cares.

 

Man breaks the record for balancing a lawn mower on this chin…..I don’t mow lawns but I think he is doing it wrong.

 

Coca-Cola becomes the new fake tan alternative…..the sweet sweet nectar of the gods.

 

A dead kangaroo has been found in Melbourne draped in a Leopard Skin and holding an empty bottle of Ouza. Outcry over the Roo being killed…..but hear me out….I am offering an alternative prequel to this story….maybe the roo just partied way too hard and can’t handle his alcohol. Oh and I noticed no one is asking after the poor leopard.

 

Fast food deliveries to jailed youth thugs have been banned in Victoria……why was this even allowed in the first place?

 

A woman riding a Melbourne Tram to work has found herself sitting opposite the Prime Minister of Australia….her reaction…ignore him and leave her head phones on….Internet went into meltdown over the pic of the incident….See Pic…Maybe this photo shows the level of engagement the Australian Population feel toward PM Bernie. If I was one of the Coalition Govt Powerbrokers….this pic would alarm me.

 

New words in the Oxford Dictionary…..Totes amazeballs, Bazinga, covfefe….just kidding but my words were better than the actual real ones…Chana Dal, Doenjang, hygge and zyzzyva….see I told you.

 

Pompeii like discovery made in Rome during metro construction…..I saw that movie and they all die in the end….who would have seen that coming?

 

Serene Williams has told a reporter to ‘Respect my privacy, I am having a baby’ when asked a question….this on the same day she posed naked for Vanity Fair….Clearly she is really protecting her own privacy…..

 

Nigerian University builds a trench to stop Boko Haram suicide bombers.

 

A baby in the US has been born that is the size of a 5 month old. The mother released a statement after the birth…..ouch!

 

The Queen earns 82 million pounds a year.

 

Bear Attacks suspends Alaskan race…..apparently as they were singing ‘There’s a bear in there’, there actually really was. Remember where that song comes from?

 

And on that note….Have a wacky Wednesday.

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