21st September 2017 Morning News Wrap

M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the News:

 

Clearly I am talkative this morning…..

 

Aussie woman dies in front of her boyfriend after they crashed whilst riding a motorbike in Bali.

 

Great White Sharks have been swarming off Nobby’s beach at Port Macquarie after an 18 tonne whale was buried on the beach two days ago….I suggest they erect large pictures of Mick Fanning to frighten the sharks away…..also pictures of the last hole in a major golf tournaments used to frighten The Great White Shark away.

 

The mother of a 16 year old girl who was killed when the stolen speeding car she was a passenger in crashed into a truck in Melbourne says ‘she just wants her baby back’. The pain must be awful.

 

Ten creditors accept CBS bid.

 

Australia joins US to boycott UN Treaty banning Nuclear Weapons.

 

East Coast of OZ set to scorch with 40 degree temps.

 

Man head butts car window in road rage attack.

 

170,000 cases of the flu have been recorded this year…with an investigation now into the effectiveness of the flu vaccine.

 

Police have seized a cache of unregistered guns at Tenterfield…..The man arrested was not a saddler…..that’s a joke for country music lovers…..well both of you at least.

 

Man charged over sex attacks on Queensland children in care.

 

A man who married a 14 year old girl in Melbourne has told a court he thought he was rescuing her……Yeah that’s believable….

 

Fair Work wants to investigate teen ‘let go’ over No Vote views for unfair dismissal. Good.

 

Perth Mother of 3 has been left paralyzed after trying to rescue a kitten from a tree.

 

Telstra apologises after Aldi employee helps grandfather figure out his new smartphone…..well everyone knows that you don’t ring Telstra if you actually want some help.

 

A 6.3 magnitude earthquake has struck Vanuatu.

 

The death toll from the Mexican Earthquake has past 270 people.

 

Headline reads…this is why Mexico keeps getting hit by earthquakes….didn’t open it as I assumed it was an article written by a hipster journalist sucking on his double shot half strength Americano Coffee in a extra fast bio degradable cup, who graduated from a South African online Journalist School at 6:25 this morning, who was blaming Trump’s policies on immigration discrimination, the No Vote camp in Australia or the changes that have been made to the AFL logo…..They are called Tectonic plates and fault lines people. They move….buildings fall down.

 

Two earthquakes shake NZ…..no mention of this from the Hipster….probably too busy trimming his beard.

 

Russian army helicopter rocket accidently hits bystanders…..should have gone to Specsavers.

 

Woman Kayaker in the Amazon has been shot and killed by pirates who killed her for her Go Pro. Wonder if there was a Pirate called Sebastion….this is an injoke between Laura and I over dinner last night…..sorry everyone else who has spent 7 seconds reading this last sentence….its been a waste of your time…..unless you are from Victoria then it may have taken you somewhat longer to read the sentence in which case I need to apologise for a substantially longer time…and for the rest of the readers….why are you still reading this after clearly its wasting time and there is absolutely no useful information at the end of the paragraph…..ok I will throw you something just because you have persevered to the end….the breaking news on SkyNews is that the Fed Reserve in the US has kept interest rates on hold….whilst this appears good news…it shows that the Fed isn’t super happy with the rate of growth of the US economy.

 

A woman in the UK who was given 5 years to live dumped her hubby and moved in with her high school crush. I kind of wonder if the hubby is actually happy she left….

 

New report finds that there 40 million slaves in the world and 25% of them are children.

 

They have found an extinct frog that was capable of eating dinosaurs…..yeah they call them Cane Toads…….How’s the footy going roaches of the south.

 

Headline reads….’What you need to know about changes to the Pap Smear Test’….didn’t read the article as I do not have the necessary equipment nor the inclination to have said test.

 

Ok that’s enough….Really sorry to all my Victorian readers…..you should probably go grab some lunch now that you have finished reading the MNW now…..and well done on getting all the way to the end.

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