6th March 2018 Morning News Wrap

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M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the news:-

 

Sorry for the late posting of the MNW. Its due to the time zone difference in PNG.

 

Freak Singleton Storm sees a month’s worth of rain in half an hour.

 

Lisa Wilkinson’s mum died.

 

Someone won an Oscar….Yawn.

 

Flash flooding on the Gold Coast overnight.

 

Melbourne Couple wake to terrifying bedroom intruders…..Let’s see what we can do with that…..Mormons are getting pretty aggressive these days….PM Bernie is so desperate for a News Poll win that he is now visiting people in their homes. Cockroaches???(No this is not a State of Origin Reference). Relax people it wasn’t really terrifying it was just a couple of young men going for a walk. (you need to be a seasoned MNW reader to get that reference….inbox me if you want me to explain that it’s actually a comment about Sudanese gangs in Melbourne that actually aren’t gangs). It was the people from Gogglebox setting up the cameras. (And what a stupid show that is). It was actually their children and the couple were involved in a game of ‘wrestle’…they were terrified as they had to explain why daddy were wrestling mummy. Really people? Gogglebox? We are going to watch people watching TV? How about you get a life!!!!! Wes Hone can you help these people get a life?

 

Speaking of adult wrestling….Barnaby Joyce is angry over press questions about his unborn son…..but over the weekend he was happy to release details on the sexual habits of his baby mumma. Let’s move on Australia….Let’s focus on the big leadership and reform issues on our Prime Minister’s Agenda…..Crickets……….what?………….So let’s go back and speculate on the Joyce baby’s name…..I am thinking Bernard….so he would be called Bernie. Bernie and Barnaby went fishing the other day. Seems Legit.

 

Ps David Connett speaks inspiringly to a group of PNG Church leaders in Port Moresby last night. See Pic.

 

Family pet that mauled a 10 year old has been put down…..And so it should have been…..if my dog mauled either of my daughters I would have picked up a knife and well this is a G rated wrap so you can fill in the gaps. Mind you….the Pilt family pet is a marshmellow Shitzu Maltese cross so the only thing it could maul is a toe. Shoutout to Bindi. Literally a Marshmellow. Shout out to Lakeisha and Laura….you survived our family pet.

 

Headline reads: How to halve your salt intake….No No No….all I heard was Bacon and eggs with some salt. Thank you Jesus I am not Jewish and that He made pigs.mmmmm Pigs.  Oh and Chickens…..But that leads to the question……When you have Bacon….How do you have your eggs….please inform the people in the comments? And please no comments about which was first….the chicken or the egg….Read Genesis people…its clear….the uhabkkngggge was first.

 

Shorten comes out in opposition against the Adani mine….hasn’t this mine been in the pipeline for like two years…..Welcome to the party Shorten….you are kind of a bit late. Probably been too busy working out which members of your party are actually Aussies.

 

Ex Russian Spy critically ill from a Mystery substance…..I don’t think you can actually be an ex Russian Spy….If you are a Russian Spy I suggest this is not something you can retire from…..Hey Russia just letting you know I am 65 now and I am retiring….no hard feelings right….we all have to earn money for our families. Hey thanks for the chocolates….hnfae besdge gesed aoiha  adasd  jjjjj jjj   jjj  jjj call 112 (that’s the 000 number in the UK) (probably too many js in that last story)

 

Happy Birthday to Intern Pete…Who get’s that story?

 

Italy is in political deadlock after no one wins the election…..Mamma Mia. Read that last statement in a deep Italian accent. Mamma Mia….Now order Pizza.

 

US man had an ingrown toe nail that ultimately led to his leg being amputated….Well that escalated quickly.

 

Ok I need to be honest here…. there is no time zone difference between Brisbane time and PNG time. I had a luxurious sleep in…..and it was awesome. So there. That’s why the MNW is late.

 

And there are no Sudanese gangs in Melbourne….repeat after me as you watch this watch swing left to right….There are no gangs….Just young men going for a walk. There are no gangs.

 

Wait up I now have people under my spell…..(bugger don’t say spell…I am not Harry Potter)….Send Peter Flakes….. CityNet Church Flake Department…8-26 Freedom Rise Beenleigh 4207.

 

Thank you Australia…..no gangs….

 

Flakes

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