29th March 2018 Morning News Wrap

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M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the news:-

 

More stuff about cheating cricketers. Over it….Sticky tape was so last Monday. Let’s see what else is around this morning.

 

Children hurt as a car and tram collide in Melbourne.

 

Apparently female hair loss is a sign that all is not well with your body. However if you pour boiling hot wax on some of the most sensitive parts of your body and rip the hair out by the roots…..then everything is just fine….apparently.

 

Headline reads….I almost vomited….Woman finds mould on her KFC….So she didn’t vomit. She didn’t get sick…..but she almost did one of those things and so thought the world needed to know….Hey I didn’t vomit yesterday and I did eat KFC….And I didn’t tell anyone….But now I have told you that I didn’t tell anyone so that negates the first statement which then would make the second statement null and void which would make the first statement…..well I am danger of getting myself into an infinite media conundrum loop….an IMCL….They are very dangerous and may I suggest is the reason Jessic Rowe is not longer in the media.

 

Headline reads Talk to your kids about sex before they Google it…..Seems like good advice.

 

Sydney University Student is selling her Virginity. Didn’t realise that was a thing….I gave mine away for free…..Wonder if I can send the other party in that transaction a backdated invoice….Hey Melanie….we need to have a chat…apparently you owe me $20,000. See Pic.

 

Spy videos over North Korean military site shows that maybe the peace talks aren’t achieving what people think….well knock me down and slap me silly.

 

Remains of a missing 10 year old boy have been found in an irrigation ditch in Arizona.

 

Insider has hinted at royal baby names…..Seems like something we can have some fun with….Here are my suggestions. Cain. Sharon. Warren. Jeff. Lakeisha. Jimmy. Harvey.

 

A woman in the US had a dream about herself being attacked and her boyfriend didn’t defend her….in the dream…..so she woke the boyfriend up and dumped him…..Gold.

 

Two US pilots report seeing a UFO….turned out it was PM Bernie’s approval rating hitting new lows.

 

The French policeman who died when he swapped places with a hostage…has been buried with France’s highest honour.

 

Assange loses his internet privileges from the Ecuadorian Embassy.

 

Israeli PM suffers medical scare.

The Russian shopping mall that burnt down, had its exits blocked.

 

Hey that will do for today…Hope you are planning on being in Church tomorrow to honour Jesus for his sacrifice. His love for you is infinite.

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