11th April 2018 Morning News Wrap


M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the news:-


Bomber banned for biting by the AFL Tribunal. Let’s mess with that a bit…..Brilliant and buoyant Bomber bombastically and blatantly banned for badly bitcherly biting a boy.


I don’t know how to spell bitcherly.


Tributes are flowing for a talented South Australian footballer, Ellen Maple, who was killed in a car accident just hours after a big match.


An Air Niugini flight out of Brisbane has had to return back to Brisbane. It’s not clear why yet and officials are saying it wasn’t an emergency landing…..Let’s see what reasons we can come up with as to why a plane would return to Brisbane…..The pilot realised he should have gone to Specsavers and so acted on the thought. He had heard that Peter Beattie announced that there really is no traffic problems on the Gold Coast and so the Pilot thought…..LET’S ALL GO TO THE GOLD COAST.


NZ transgender female weight lifter is retiring from the sport. Headline could have been…Weight Lifted from Weight Lifter


Australia has won the 4x100m medley in the final night of competition in the pool.


Naked driver pinned to the ground by a Melbourne cop, after he took off his clothes and went to attack another driver……Better Headline would have been. Nudie Rudie Road Rage Rager Ran Down By Rapider Running Cop. Oh that’s gold baby…..I so should be writing front page headlines for the NT News.


Sydney mother with three children in the car has been caught driving 7 times over the legal limit.


A Melbourne Court has ruled that farting on a work colleague does not constitute work place harassment……going be a tough day for my office workmates today.


A Car in an English Safari park has had its window smashed when a Giraffe put its head in the car and they put the window up……Hey people you can’t treat a Giraffe like a blow fly.


Miracle baby is rescued alive after being dumped in a storm drain and left to die in a case that has shocked South Africa. As soon as I saw this story I thought….bet it  was a girl baby…..And yes….See Pic. I had a discussion with wifey as to whether the pic was too confronting but I am putting it out there as I think we need to see the way female babies are treated around the world as they, in some cultures, are of less value than male babies. So I hope you feel confronted.


And a good news story for all the people that pester the MNW staff constantly for ‘Good News’. The Cleveland House of Horrors victim that was held captive for 11 years, has revealed she is now happily married.


So there…..Watch out for any Biting Bombers or Nudie Rudie Road Ragers…..and watch out for me in the office.

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