2nd April 2018 Morning News Wrap

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M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the news:-

 

A missing toddler has been after going missing from his family’s camp site near Mudgee….He had walked 5kms and apparently had approached a Kangaroo who he hoped would take him home…..Now see when I was growing up there was a Kangaroo called Skippy who would have indeed saved the little boy….but in this era of being politically correct, we have got rid of all the Kangaroos that can understand English….and don’t even get me started on Lassie…..The point of the story is, the little guy was found safe…..no thanks to the deadbeat PC roos who did nothing.

 

A teen has been arrested after a 24 year old fell to his death from a Cairn’s Balcony.

 

Horror car crash in Kakadu…..3 killed and 4 severely injured.

 

Former Howard Government Minister Jocelyn Newman dies.

 

Needles found at the Commonwealth Games Village…..probably was just some of those pens that look like needles.  THEY WERE JUST TAKING NOTES PEOPLE.

 

Sydney man charged with 13 offences after an 8 car pile up in Western Sydney killed an Uber passenger and injured 4 others.

 

A man has been charged after a Brisbane policeman was injured in a hit and run.

 

Vision has emerged of a Perth teacher backing away from a brawl in a school instead of stepping in and breaking it up.

 

Headline Reads….Is Chocolate a Health Food…..Well Der….Yes. As is Bacon, Cheese, KFC and Diet Coke. Hey you don’t get to look like me by eating celery.

 

Warning Issued after a gas leak at a Milk Factory in Melbourne……Isn’t a cow a milk factory?…..Oh so a cow farted….that must have been what that story was about.

 

A man has drowned off the coast of Windang.

 

A Freemantle man is fighting for life in a Phuket Hospital after a Scooter crash….Here is my advice…..Don’t ride Scooters in Asian Countries.

 

A woman in a Perth Prison had to give birth by herself and without pain relief after guards couldn’t get her door open. Yet the baby ‘got her door’ open….oh that’s a bad comment.

 

A church in England has misspelt their Easter Message and so Chris is Risen. Go Chris…..See Pic.

 

Stephen Hawking’s funeral has happened.

 

That Chinese Satellite that is going to crash to earth is about to actually crash in the next few hours. Better get right with Chris just in case the satellite hits you.

 

Princess Mary might soon be a Queen.

 

They should name a cruise ship after her….The Queen Mary……nah that doesn’t work.

 

Have a great day…….Wait up….just saw there is an avalanche in the Swiss Alps. Three people have been killed.

 

Also just saw that the Pope led the masses in Mass….Saw an interview the other day where the Pope said there is no Hell. Nope Pope Jesus Is our only Hope. Or Chris if you are English.

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31st March 2018 Morning News Wrap

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M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the news:-

 

Daylight Saving ends tonight….Wind your clocks back tonight as you go to bed…..Not you Queenslanders….we don’t do Daylight Saving because it scares us.

 

Gold Coast braces for major Comm Games interruptions. Games start on Wednesday.

 

Russia expels two Australian Diplomats.

 

Perth husband and wife arrested after passing their 8year old daughter around at sex parties.

 

Hot Air Balloon has crashed in the Hunter Valley injuring 16 but questions are being asked as to why no Triple 0 calls were made.

 

Fiery eight car crash kills an 18 year old and leaves 5 others injured in Western Sydney.

 

A woman is critical after being swept into the ocean along the Great Ocean Road.

 

A woman’s body has been found at the base of a popular lookout near Lennox Head….That’s near Ballina for those who have no idea where Lennox Head is.

 

A 54 year old Grandmother from England is about to have all her limbs amputated after she got a paper cut…..that then led her to get sepsis.

 

Arnold Schwarzenegger undergoes heart surgery….His first words post op according to the report was….I’m back.

 

15 Palestinians have been killed and a thousand injured over a six week protest on the Gaza Strip

 

20 people have been killed in Western Thailand after a double decker bus caught fire. See Pic.

 

Pippa Middleton’s father in law charged with rape.

 

Bus fire forces evacuation at London’s Stanstead Airport.

 

Enjoy your Easter Saturday.

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29th March 2018 Morning News Wrap

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M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the news:-

 

More stuff about cheating cricketers. Over it….Sticky tape was so last Monday. Let’s see what else is around this morning.

 

Children hurt as a car and tram collide in Melbourne.

 

Apparently female hair loss is a sign that all is not well with your body. However if you pour boiling hot wax on some of the most sensitive parts of your body and rip the hair out by the roots…..then everything is just fine….apparently.

 

Headline reads….I almost vomited….Woman finds mould on her KFC….So she didn’t vomit. She didn’t get sick…..but she almost did one of those things and so thought the world needed to know….Hey I didn’t vomit yesterday and I did eat KFC….And I didn’t tell anyone….But now I have told you that I didn’t tell anyone so that negates the first statement which then would make the second statement null and void which would make the first statement…..well I am danger of getting myself into an infinite media conundrum loop….an IMCL….They are very dangerous and may I suggest is the reason Jessic Rowe is not longer in the media.

 

Headline reads Talk to your kids about sex before they Google it…..Seems like good advice.

 

Sydney University Student is selling her Virginity. Didn’t realise that was a thing….I gave mine away for free…..Wonder if I can send the other party in that transaction a backdated invoice….Hey Melanie….we need to have a chat…apparently you owe me $20,000. See Pic.

 

Spy videos over North Korean military site shows that maybe the peace talks aren’t achieving what people think….well knock me down and slap me silly.

 

Remains of a missing 10 year old boy have been found in an irrigation ditch in Arizona.

 

Insider has hinted at royal baby names…..Seems like something we can have some fun with….Here are my suggestions. Cain. Sharon. Warren. Jeff. Lakeisha. Jimmy. Harvey.

 

A woman in the US had a dream about herself being attacked and her boyfriend didn’t defend her….in the dream…..so she woke the boyfriend up and dumped him…..Gold.

 

Two US pilots report seeing a UFO….turned out it was PM Bernie’s approval rating hitting new lows.

 

The French policeman who died when he swapped places with a hostage…has been buried with France’s highest honour.

 

Assange loses his internet privileges from the Ecuadorian Embassy.

 

Israeli PM suffers medical scare.

The Russian shopping mall that burnt down, had its exits blocked.

 

Hey that will do for today…Hope you are planning on being in Church tomorrow to honour Jesus for his sacrifice. His love for you is infinite.

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24th March 2018 Morning News Wrap

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M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the news:-

 

ASX closes 114 points lower on the back of trade issues between the US and China.

 

Sex charges against Cardinal Pell  have been withdrawn.

 

Two Cyclones bearing down on Australia’s north.

 

A Three year old girl has been killed when she ran across the road outside a church in Gosnells, WA.

 

It’s 365 days till the NSW State Election. Does anyone remember who the NSW Premier is? Me neither.

 

70 Pilot Whales have died after they beached themselves on a WA beach.

 

Tigerair to cram more seats onto their planes……I can see the new ad campaign….If you are a size 16 may we suggest Qantas.

 

Obama in Sydney for 22 hours. Check out the motorcade…..Wonder what this 22 hours cost the Australian taxpayer….and for what benefit when it’s a private speaking event. Acutally I couldn’t find a pic but there were 10 motorcycle cops and one police vehicle and then about 4 black SUVs.

 

Tasmanian GP says her state’s mental health resources are at third world level.

 

Teenage boys arrested after a $2 million drug haul was found at Bathurst.

 

There is a floating mass of rubbish between Hawaii and California that is the size of QLD with 1.8 trillion pieces of plastic that is now threatening marine life.

 

A gunman who went on a rampage in Southern France, killing three people and injuring 12 others, has been shot dead. See Pic.

 

The girl who was shot the other day in a Maryland’s school, has died.

 

Prince Philip’s health is failing.

 

Wall Street down 429 points.

 

Hey Hey it’s Saturday….Enjoy that fact. Have a good one.

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22nd March 2018 Morning News Wrap

M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the news:-

 

Two people have been killed in a Helicopter crash just off Hamilton Island. I have been thinking abit about death of late and how death comes as a surprise to many and then the after life…..I have to implore you…..accept the saving grace of Jesus Christ whilst you still can. The afterlife without Jesus is just too horrible to gamble….You must be born again.

 

Women charged over the death of a Sydney Lawyer.

 

James Packer resigns from being on the Board of Crown Casino citing mental health issues.

 

Snake infestation across Sydney. If these snakes are found on building sights then it officially has to be labelled Snakes and Ladders. If they are found at the airport – it officially becomes Snakes on a plane.

 

A man has been killed after a trench collapsed in Ballarat.

 

Man records and uploads an apology message after his racist tirade yesterday in an Adelaide Centrelink office. Yeah…he is sorry he didn’t see the cameras recording the tirade.

 

A neighbour has saved a woman’s life after hiding her at the height of a domestic violence situation.

 

A Gold Coast school failed to tell the parents of a boy who had scissors held to his throat in a bullying incident.

 

A Victorian man who donated sperm for research 30 years ago, has discovered he fathered 8 children.

 

Austin serial bomber has been killed during his arrest.

 

Blast in Kabul, kills 26 people.

 

Wall Street down 45 points.

 

US Fed Reserve lifts interest rates by 25 points.

 

Israel claims responsibility for Syrian Nuclear reactor bombing.

 

Have a great day.

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19th March 2018 Morning News Wrap

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M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the news:-

 

70 homes and the local Primary school have been destroyed by fire in the Coastal town of Tathra. See Pic.

 

18 homes destroyed in a fire in Victoria’s South West.

 

Cyclone Marcus has dumped a huge amount of rain in Darwin, with many trees down.

 

Huge dust storm envelopes Canberra and cuts power.

 

Perth woman stabbed 5 times by a 15 year old boy.

 

Nick Xenophon has failed to win a seat in the South Australian Election.

 

Blue Ring Octopi are on the increase in a lake in Adelaide.

 

A man who urinated in a pot plant on his neighbours front veranda, has been jailed for two rapes that happened in the 80’s after his DNA was processed.

 

Three children pricked with needles while playing north of Perth.

 

Listeria outbreak has now killed 5 people.

 

Obama to visit Australia and NZ.

 

Putin wins Russian election by a landslide. No surprises there.

 

Florida Bridge collapse death toll is now 6.

 

Have a super day. Pray for the people in the fire effected areas.

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12 March 2018 Morning News Wrap

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M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the news:-

 

Violent Perth carjacking attempt sparks manhunt. I personally find the term manhunt offensive. It should be personhunt.

 

The girl who was electrocuted whilst she was watering the garden, is now breathing on her own.

 

The Jicklier Government is wanting to increase the number of pokies in NSW. Cause they are only driven by dollars and not the welfare of the people in the state.

 

Dramatic rescue of four teens from overturned catamaran off the coast of Brisbane.

 

Man has Porsche impounded ten minutes after buying it…which proves having money doesn’t mean you have brains.

 

A Victorian Grandfather has told how he fought off a shark by punching it in the head…..RSPCA says nothing….but had he punched a Roo…all hell would have broken out….Anyway the Shark was the same shark that Mick Fanning punched and so it has now launched legal action in the UN Court of Animal Rights, to stop people punching it. Hey you know how animals are sometimes loaned between zoos….I wonder when a shark is on loan whether it’s called a Loan Shark?

 

Ed Sheeran fans in Melbourne complain about the heat at the concert venue with lots of them feinting. Apparently, the venue was in a Castle on a Hill, although people are saying it felt more like a Lego House with the A Team (The Air Conditioning Team) failing. One victim, A Galway Girl, said the concert was less then Perfect, but then admitted she was just Thinking Out Loud. Another women, Nancy Mulligan who passed out, had a Small Bump on her head in the Shape of You. As she passed out she shouted Save Yourself and then mumbled Bibia Be Ye Ye, but she may have had alcohol in her BloodStream.

 

Ice effected woman backs over a 2 year in the Hunter Valley.

 

65% increase in women in Aussie jails over the last 10 years.

 

China approves Presidents for life.

 

Camilla could become Queen. No No No.

 

Lightning kills 16 and injures 140 at Rwandan church.

 

Black Panther earns $1 billion at the box office.

 

Catalan Independence protests attract thousands.

 

A woman in NZ performs a Tracheotomy with a Stanley Knife to save her boyfriend.

 

Navy pilot spots a mysterious object streaking across the Atlantic. See Pic…..Yeah I can’t see it either.

 

And on that note. Have a super day.

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