7th February 2018 Morning News Wrap

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M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the news:-

 

A 25 year old electrician has been left a quadriplegic after falling into shallow waters from his friends shoulders at Corowa.

 

$66 billion wiped off the value of the Australian Sharemarket yesterday.

 

RBA leaves interest rates on hold.

 

The elderly Melbourne woman who was bashed while walking her dogs four days ago….has died.

 

Headline reads Sam Dastyari joins…….When you open the story you find out that he joined a communication company…..But that is not what was running through my head……Sam Dastayri joins the Iran Secret Service. Sam Dastyari joins an order of Mr Bean Lookalikes. Sam Dastyari joins the dots and realises he was an unpopular Federal Politician. Sam Dastyari joins the gym….well clearly that’s not news. Sam Dastyari joins a Sudanese gang in Melbourne.

 

Australia a giant step closer to holding the Women’s Soccer World Cup. Yes but the real question women want know is: is that giant step that was taken?….was it a size six and where did she get those shoes.

 

A hundred students at a state school in Brisbane have got detention for wearing the wrong shoes…..and this makes the news? Well I guess the last story was about shoes so maybe its relevant.

 

Pregnant WA Woman and her baby have died from a snake bite.

 

Fraiser’s Dad dies aged 77.

 

Photos of emerge of China’s supergun. See pic.

 

Oil Tanker off the coast of South Africa was taken by pirates and then the crew got it back. Well done Captain Philips.

 

Paris terror suspect refuses to speak at his trial.

 

Strong quake shakes Taiwan causing damaging to buildings and roads.

 

Wall Street up 490 points after being down 500 points mid sessions.
Assange won’t be leaving the Ecuadorian embassy anytime soon after his bid to have the UK arrest warrant against him dropped, failed.

 

Have a super Wednesday.

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5th February 2018 Morning News Wrap

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M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the news:-

 

Its Superbowl Sunday in the US with it expected to be the coldest Superbowl ever with temperatures set to be – 14 during in the game…..that’s – 14 in our language not in US temperatures.

 

A 22 year old Melbourne woman is fighting for life after being doused with petrol and set alight…..and who would do such a horrendous thing…..the husband of course…..Australia’s domestic violence epidemic is not showing any signs of slowing.

 

Politicians head to church this morning which is the tradition as the Parliamentary year kicks off.

 

Polls show that Bill Shorten is third when asked who should be Labor Leader.

 

Melbourne Mayor quits due to sexual allegations.

 

Man found face down at a beach just north of Batemans Bay has died.

 

Queensland woman almost killed after a rock smashed through her windscreen as she was driving along a highway in Townsville.

 

NSW man and woman charged after shoplifting 50 boxes of lego.

 

Nightmare crash just 15 minutes before the end of the Bathurst 12 hour motor race has caused the race to be declared.
Sunshine Coast man’s miraculous survival after car plunges off a cliff edge.

 

Calls for Crocodile Dundee three to be made…..Yep Crocodile Dundee:- The Retirement Home

 

Two trains have collided in the US with two people killed and over one hundred injured. See Pic.

 

Children protest after Israel demolishes only school in Palestinian community.

 

Police arrest 3 men over flogging a woman in Afghanistan….and what brave examples of fine masculine characters these men are…..three of them whipping a defenceless woman….and I am not sure what she did….but it’s a Muslim nation….she probably wore something they deemed wrong, or she didn’t prepare the right food, or she read a book or asked for a car license.

 

Mysterious mass grave likely contained 300 Vikings from a ‘Great Heathen Army’.
Girl Scout sells 300 boxes of cookies outside San Diego marijuana dispensary….now that girl is very smart.

 

Have  an amazing Monday.

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3rd February 2018 Morning News Wrap

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M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the news:-

 

The police didn’t find anything at the potential site of the Beaumont children’s graves.

 

So apparently the line should read…..the burgers are mouldier at Hungry Jacks, after a customer at a Perth Store discovered mould all over his bun….the franchise owner was heard to say….Shhhh don’t tell everyone otherwise everyone will want mould on their bun too….Apparently it’s the latest hipster craze….well think back to the first incidence of blue vein cheese…..so a uni student had his parent’s over for Sunday brunch and he had nothing but crackers and a half eaten block of coon that had gone mouldy….he sold it to them as Blue Vein and his parents, deli owners from inner city Melbourne loved the concept and that’s why we now all eat mould cheese and think of ourselves as sophisticated. See Pic.

 

Elderly Melbourne man arrested after his wife was found dead in their home.

 

A cancer survivor has survived again after crashing his motorbike into some roos on the way to work.

 

Townsville to lose 40 aviation jobs this year when a squadron moves to Melbourne.

 

Sonia Kruger is saying her toddler is giving her love handles…..I suggest it’s the Krispy Kremes she is eating for morning tea.

 

Sacked QLD Bus Driver, who was sacked for leaving a 5 year old on his bus, has found another job….which at 79 is not a bad effort.

 

Cancer striken grandmother first to have awake mastectomy as there were fears she wouldn’t survive the aesthetic.

 

Wall Street down 665 points.

 

A former accountant in Texas has been executed yesterday for killing his two young daughters fairly soon after a split from his wife. He smiled to his ex wife as he sat in the execution chamber and his final words to her were ‘I’ll see you soon’.

 

A truck driver in Peru has been detained for driving over a UN world heritage site to avoid a toll.

 

Van ploughs into pedestrians on a busy street in Shanghi.

 

Controversial FBI memo released by congress.

 

Fidel Castro’s son, takes his own life.

 

Have a super Saturday.

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1st February 2018 Morning News Wrap

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M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the news:-

 

Super Blue Blood Moon was unable to be seen across Australia except for Perth due to clouds. See Pic.

 

Uber driver bashed and car jacked, and dragged by customers in an affluent Melbourne Suburb….just a group of people going for a walk.

 

The Australian Grand Prix will be the first one without grid girls….And good I say.

 

The bus driver who was at the centre of the 5 year old Queensland girl being left on a locked bus for five hours has been sacked….But he is saying there was multiple failures in multiple areas and having read the story I tend to agree with him.

 

PM Bernie promises Tax cuts for families.

 

The investigation into the Seaplane crash that happened on New Years Eve has found there was nothing wrong with the plane and are now thinking the crash maybe have been due to a medical issue with the pilot.

 

Queensland toddler on life support due to being found face down in a pool, has died.

 

Melbourne is apparently the 4th most exciting city in the world…..apparently.

 

Train full of US Congressmen smashes into a truck, killing the driver.

 

Hopes fade for the remaining 80 people missing from the sunken Kiribati ferry, 11 days on.

 

President Trump delivers his State of the Union.

 

A WWII bomb has been found in Hong Kong, which has sparked an evacuation.

 

Have a great day.

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31st January 2018 Morning News Wrap.

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M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the news:-

 

Former head of Grand Prix Ron Walker has gone to that big pit lane in the sky. He has completed his final lap, the checkered flag has fallen, the pace car is now out on the track.

 

NSW dad uses a trolley to mow down a man swinging a bat in the Albion Park Rail Aldi. So that’s all it takes to take out Bat Man. Fun fact….wifey and I used to live 100 metres from the vacant block where Aldi now sits.

 

Sydney dad admits to leaving his son in the car in 40 degree heat to play the pokies. I think the correct term is dead beat dad.

 

Ferry McFerryFace has been renamed May Gibbs.

 

Avocado shake may have killed Melbourne husband…..yep those Avocados are dangerous man.

 

Very next headline reads: Relief in sight with avocado prices set to drop…apparently millions of trays of these killer fruits are heading to our supermarkets.

 

Three children from the Brisbane suburb of Eagleby (near Beenleigh) have been left orphans after either a double homicide or a murder suicide.

 

Western Australian town of Broome has had the heaviest rainfall in two decades with 412mm in 24 hours.  That’s 16 inches in the old scale….for you farm people out there. See Pic.

 

People are upset because Bernard Tomic has quit being in the show I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here…..why are they upset…..Tomic quits all kinds of stuff like Tennis matches and stuff.

 

Hillsong wins a Grammy and good on them for being awesome.

 

An Indian MRI salesman has been killed when he got sucked into the machine in a hospital in Mumbai.

 

Former Glee start Mark Sailing has committed suicide. He was facing sentencing for child porn charges.

 

Wall Street down 336.

 

Have a super Wednesday.

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29th January 2018 Morning News Wrap.

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M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the news:-

 

A streaker has invaded the pitch at the last One Day International in Perth….let’s see what we can do with that. He was taking his bat and ball and going home. Actually I had to delete the other four comments I had…..they were gold but this is a family News Wrap….I had stuff about tackled tackle, middle stump and cricket ‘Pitch Perfect’.

 

Tasmanians are heading to the Polls on the 3rd of March. The entire population of 23 is expected to turn out to vote.

 

Sydney commuters bracing for chaos because even though the planned train strike has been called off, it is expected that a lot of drivers will call in sick.

 

Bernard Tomic has accused Tennis Australia of corruption….apparently he is upset because they want him to actually play tennis for prize money.

 

Federer beats Cilic for historic Australian Open Title. See Pic.

 

Cops shoot a man dead in a Melbourne bottle shop hold up.

 

Boat explodes at the Victorian Seaside port of Blairgowrie. Man missing.

 

Headline reads…What Wednesday’s super blue moon means for your health….I suggest nothing unless you are a werewolf.

 

Teen fugitive on the run for a month has been captured on the Gold Coast.

 

The Seine in Paris is in flood and has broken its banks.

 

The founder of Ikea has died…..He is being buried in a coffin that will be delivered flat packed and mourners will have to assemble the coffin using only an Allen Key and instructions written in Swedish by a psychopath.

 

Boris Becker is broke.

 

5 killed and 1 injured at a car wash shooting at a Pennsylvania car wash.

 

Death toll in the Kabul suicide blast reaches 103 with another 235 injured.

 

Have a great Monday.

 

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19th January 2018 Morning News Wrap

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M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Here is the News:-
 
Hey this will be an emotional journey….Your were warned.
 
Well I don’t care. I am on holidays and as you read this I am boarding a flight to Sydney to then get on a boat to cruise the Pacific Ocean for 8 days. So who cares about the news. Sure I may have purchased an internet package so I can still deliver the MNW each morning which I assume people will throw dollars into the Global Care account in appreciation. Thank you thank you thank you.
 
So here is the news:-
 
International Director of Global Care goes on a cruise…..wait that’s not news..Sorry let’s try again.
 
A displaced family from Queensland finds themselves on a boat with thousands of other boat people.
Yep I am making lite of an ugly scenario. Not cool. Let’s move on.
 
The Real News:-
 
Father of 3 year old toddler rescued from a car blames his wife…..sorry sir, from a dad who knows stuff and toddlers, you suck.. ….For the record both my toddlers were never forgotten in any situation.
 
Malaysian Flight makes an emergency landing in Alice Springs. I forgot to mention passengers were freaked out and thought they were going to die……Well I am thinking if they took a cruise they would have been a lot more relaxed…
Anyway check out the pic.
 
Canberra steel importer one of the three guys arrested in Serbia on drugs charges……Importing Steel Importing Drugs….apparently its hard to distinguish. Although I don’t speak Serbian so I don’t judge.
 
Still amazed at what makes the news….a guy caught a bull shark in the Sydney River, A chick lost 55 kgs, a parenthood star is pregnant at 46, Outrage over the staff at MNW calling a woman a chick….
 
Australian Open Court temp hits 69 degrees. Sure cause Maria Sharapova was playing…..The last comment was from one of the MNW staff who is 17 and male. But in no way reflects the attitude of the MNW company who we all know is opinion and attitude free. Totally attitude free.
 
Headline reads ‘Two Mistakes Amateur Gardeners make’ I suggest one would be reading the Morning News Wrap cause no one cares about your cabbage or Broccoli and how they are growing….All we want to know is how’s that bacon going on our Eggs Benny.
 
A Sudanese teen is sentenced to 20 hours after he forcefully grabbed two woman by the genitals two days after he was bailed over the bashing burglary of a young man…..I will censor my own comments here. You don’t want to hear what I really think. Cause I may say WHAT THE broccoli IS HAPPENING WITH OUR COURT SYSTEM? And I so wanted to not censor it. Maybe I should just say it. Cabbage. There I said it.
 
Police are hunting an old man who exposed himself to a child at a Shopping Centre.
 
Horror bus inferno has killed 52 in Russia…Now let’s think about how sad we were today when a pretty Home and Away actor died. Not one of the 52 people burned to death in this Russian crash were of any less value than her……but we dismiss the Russians cause they are ‘over there’. Hey reading more reports….the 52 were burned alive……burned alive.
 
But Home and Away.
 
Burned Alive…..52
 
52 people. I am sorry I can’t get past this….52.
 
52 people.
 
Well it started out lite….but 52
 
That’s all.
 
The pic is of the Russian flag.
 
52
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