30th September 2017 Morning News Wrap

Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the News:


NSW teen dies from complications from the flu.


Melbourne woman smashes up a taxi after crashing into a fence.


Son in custody after deadly attack on his father in their Sydney unit.


Woman 63, carjacked at knifepoint fights back with an umbrella.


Man dies in NSW central coast fire.


WA council bans releasing balloons.


40% of Australians believe that demons exist.


ADF involved civilian casualties in Iraq.


A mother has left four young kids at home alone whilst she went on a holiday to Germany.


Volkswagen slapped with a new $3b penalty over diesel emission scandal.


Man slips lethal poison into supermarket food in Germany in a multimillion dollar extortion attempt.


Sydney woman injured by a falling statue in Spain.


Wall Street up 23 points.


Suicide bombing in Kabul kills 5 people.


A donkey has mistaken an orange car for a huge carrot.


Have a super AFL Grand Final Day….if you live in a Daylight Saving State…don’t forget to wind your clocks forward an hour before you go to bed tonight.

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29th September 2017 Morning News Wrap


Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the News:


Grandfinal weekend coming up….The Morning News Wrap Staff are tipping Richmond and the Cowboys.


Hey also Daylight starts Sunday Morning so wind your clocks forward unless you are in South Australia then your clocks are already 17 years behind.


Double demerits start tonight at midnight in NSW.


Here in Queensland we have no AFL Grandfinal, No NRL Grandfinal, No Daylight Saving and No Double Demerits…..I am driving to Tweed Heads (Northern NSW tomorrow) just so I can feel a little included in this weekend’s action.


A man has been killed during a high speed car chase in Unanderra, Wollongong.


PM Bernie has championed free speech whilst shutting down Tony Abbott’s opinion on a same sex marriage anthem being played at the NRL grand final. PM Bernie struggles with the concept of hypocrisy. Oh wait everyone can express their opinion as long as it agrees with the extreme left. Roger that.


Family of seven involved in an ugly car accident at Port Macquarie with a 16 year old girl thrown from the car and killed.


Former Pentagon official urges Australia to bolster defense.


Well knock me down and slap me silly…I am gobsmacked this morning…..one of the main media outlets are carrying a story of a SSM yes campaigner filmed hurling racial abuse at a no campaigner whilst pulling down the signs the no campaigner was putting up….This is the first story that I have seen that paints the yes campaign in a negative light.


AFL accused of over stating the crowd numbers at the finals games…..releasing a statement: These were the largest crowds, period ever to witness, period a grand final series period…..(This is a Sean Spice White House reference for those scratching their heads).


Worldwide chaos as check in systems fail for 100 airlines.


Aussie Jihadi apologizes for all the trouble he caused. I assume The Bernie government will welcome him back into Australia now…they are like that.


Hugh Heffner, the father of modern pornography has died. I wonder how many women’s lives he exploited and messed up. I wonder how many men’s lives he messed up with a pornography addiction. Celebrities are describing him as ‘one of nicest men I’ve ever known’, Which is an ignorant thing to say.


Elaine Benes has breast cancer.


40% of German students don’t know what Auschwitz is.


Italian woman marries herself in a lavish ‘sologamy’ ceremony….well to quote the same sex marriage mantra….Love is Love.


Mexico hit by over 5400 after shocks after September 7 quake.


From the file of ‘Why is this in the news?’ Maccas is the highest ranking restaurant amongst weed smokers. Speaking of weed….I could go a Bacon and Egg McMuffin right now…..Reaching for my phone…what’s the number for Uber Eats.


3 year old named living goddess in Nepal…she can leave the temple only 13 times a year. I would guess that tributes to the said goddess have gone from pigs, corn and money to pop tarts, dummies and toys.


Have a great Friday.

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25th September 2017 Morning News Wrap



M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the News:


Well the world was meant to end over the weekend but we are all still here…so get to work people. Do not ring in claiming to have been raptured.


Broome has a top of 31 today.


CBA announces that they are scrapping ATM bank fees due to consumer unhappiness…..Wow took them long enough….. we have all been winging about the $2.5 fees for years and only now they move.


The support for the Yes Vote in the Same Sex Marriage debate is waning according to a new opinion poll released today…wonder if that is due to the Marriage Equality people invading Aussie’s privacy by sending unsolicited text messages on Saturday telling people to vote Yes.


Cocaine Cassie during a 60 minute interview says that she has iron proof evidence that her family was threatened with death threats if she didn’t carry drugs…..the evidence is clear and will completely show her innocence….its all laid out clearly on her phone that she has right here with her…..oh but she has forgotten the pass code….seems legit…….its the drug trafficking equivalent of ‘Sorry Miss, my dog ate my homework’.


Sydney mum killed in a hit n run.


A teenage girl at a Perth school who had a heart attack was saved by her fellow students who had been taught CPR…..good job students.


NRL ex player Alex McKinnon told he may never walk again.


Up to six injured in a London acid attack.


NZ indecisive in the Fed Election.


Germans slightly more decisive returning Chancellor Merkel albeit with slightly diminished power.


Trump tells people to leave any NFL game where a player refuses to stand for the National Anthem.


Protests in the US after a cop is acquitted for shooting and killing a black man.


One person killed and 8 injured at a mass shooting at a church in Tennessee.


Bali on high alert for Volcano…..no silly….that’s the not street name for the latest hipster drug to hit the drug holiday hot spot…there is actually a volcano….the latest hipster drug name is the Turnbull…..you don’t have to buy it….it just appears….promises you a high…..you get on board but then nothing happens and the side effects are disappointment and cynicism with some backflips.


Saudi Arabia allows women into sports stadiums for the first time…..women must be really celebrating this monumental advancement in women’s rights…..you now get to go to the game with your hubby. Still can’t drive….will get stoned for sinning and will be whipped if you show your ankles in public….but the game…..


And on that note….welcome to Monday…have a good one.

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22nd September 2017 Morning News Wrap



M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the News:


Tony Abbott headbutted by a same sex marriage campaigner – left bleeding from the face.….Headline on the Project tonight will be…..Tony Abbott uses his face to assault the forehead of a man who was simply standing for love.


Canberra breastfeeding mum has given a raging woman a great comeback after the woman demanded she cover up while she fed because her husband couldn’t stop ogling…..so she covered her face….see pic….Gold.


Sydney dentists denies dozens of child sex charges.


The RBA is concerned about the level of Australia’s debt.


Trump orders blacklist on North Korean business partners….kind of the political version of the Soap Nazi…..NO BUSINESS FOR YOU…..that’s for the Seinfeld devotees.


At the same time, South Korea is sending a $10 million aid package to North Korea….probably a large horse statute…..that’s for the history buffs.


Hurricane Maria has totally obliterated island of 3.4 million.


A lesbian couple in the US has been jailed for 20 years for beating their five year old adopted son so bad he had two strokes.


A family in the UK have just welcomed their 20th child…..apparently they don’t like reality TV and so seeing that’s all that is on TV these days……


Jet runs off the runaway at Istanbul….Turkey!


275 people have died in Mexico as a result of the earthquake…the world is focused on a 12 year old girl who is trapped in the rubble of the school. Had the same girl lived in Nigeria and been kidnapped by Boko Haram…the world would not be as focused on her resuce…..#doublestandards.


6th person arrested in relation to the subway bucket bombing…..probably will all be released in a few days as that’s the normal way it happens….press releases on the arrests and everyone feels safe….then they release them a few days later and no one ever knows.


A brother and sister in France who made a baby have been given the right to officially be named as the parents on the birth certificate. For the record….they didn’t know they were brother and sister at the time of the um…..’cuddle’.


And on that note…..cya.

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21st September 2017 Morning News Wrap

M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the News:


Clearly I am talkative this morning…..


Aussie woman dies in front of her boyfriend after they crashed whilst riding a motorbike in Bali.


Great White Sharks have been swarming off Nobby’s beach at Port Macquarie after an 18 tonne whale was buried on the beach two days ago….I suggest they erect large pictures of Mick Fanning to frighten the sharks away…..also pictures of the last hole in a major golf tournaments used to frighten The Great White Shark away.


The mother of a 16 year old girl who was killed when the stolen speeding car she was a passenger in crashed into a truck in Melbourne says ‘she just wants her baby back’. The pain must be awful.


Ten creditors accept CBS bid.


Australia joins US to boycott UN Treaty banning Nuclear Weapons.


East Coast of OZ set to scorch with 40 degree temps.


Man head butts car window in road rage attack.


170,000 cases of the flu have been recorded this year…with an investigation now into the effectiveness of the flu vaccine.


Police have seized a cache of unregistered guns at Tenterfield…..The man arrested was not a saddler…..that’s a joke for country music lovers…..well both of you at least.


Man charged over sex attacks on Queensland children in care.


A man who married a 14 year old girl in Melbourne has told a court he thought he was rescuing her……Yeah that’s believable….


Fair Work wants to investigate teen ‘let go’ over No Vote views for unfair dismissal. Good.


Perth Mother of 3 has been left paralyzed after trying to rescue a kitten from a tree.


Telstra apologises after Aldi employee helps grandfather figure out his new smartphone…..well everyone knows that you don’t ring Telstra if you actually want some help.


A 6.3 magnitude earthquake has struck Vanuatu.


The death toll from the Mexican Earthquake has past 270 people.


Headline reads…this is why Mexico keeps getting hit by earthquakes….didn’t open it as I assumed it was an article written by a hipster journalist sucking on his double shot half strength Americano Coffee in a extra fast bio degradable cup, who graduated from a South African online Journalist School at 6:25 this morning, who was blaming Trump’s policies on immigration discrimination, the No Vote camp in Australia or the changes that have been made to the AFL logo…..They are called Tectonic plates and fault lines people. They move….buildings fall down.


Two earthquakes shake NZ…..no mention of this from the Hipster….probably too busy trimming his beard.


Russian army helicopter rocket accidently hits bystanders…..should have gone to Specsavers.


Woman Kayaker in the Amazon has been shot and killed by pirates who killed her for her Go Pro. Wonder if there was a Pirate called Sebastion….this is an injoke between Laura and I over dinner last night…..sorry everyone else who has spent 7 seconds reading this last sentence….its been a waste of your time…..unless you are from Victoria then it may have taken you somewhat longer to read the sentence in which case I need to apologise for a substantially longer time…and for the rest of the readers….why are you still reading this after clearly its wasting time and there is absolutely no useful information at the end of the paragraph…..ok I will throw you something just because you have persevered to the end….the breaking news on SkyNews is that the Fed Reserve in the US has kept interest rates on hold….whilst this appears good news…it shows that the Fed isn’t super happy with the rate of growth of the US economy.


A woman in the UK who was given 5 years to live dumped her hubby and moved in with her high school crush. I kind of wonder if the hubby is actually happy she left….


New report finds that there 40 million slaves in the world and 25% of them are children.


They have found an extinct frog that was capable of eating dinosaurs…..yeah they call them Cane Toads…….How’s the footy going roaches of the south.


Headline reads….’What you need to know about changes to the Pap Smear Test’….didn’t read the article as I do not have the necessary equipment nor the inclination to have said test.


Ok that’s enough….Really sorry to all my Victorian readers…..you should probably go grab some lunch now that you have finished reading the MNW now…..and well done on getting all the way to the end.

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20th September 2017 Morning News Wrap.

M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the News:

Dumb News Websites…here were the main stories from this morning on one of them…

Sophia Monk winning bachelor has apparently been revealed.

A video of the CBA branch that was lit….IN NOV LAST YEAR.

Five stories about football….all in the headlines.

A $20,000 block quiz.

A vid of Modern Family star having a wardrobe malfunction.

Peter Fitzsimons has a gay friend and apparently this was newsworthy.

The 8 words you will never hear a royal say….Probably are ‘I don’t want to move to New Zealand’.

5 women all wore the same dress to a wedding…


What constitutes news these days is alarming.


So here is some real news.


Syrian troops cross the Euphrates River.


Eiffel Tower goes bullet proof.


Britain is No.1 in Europe for Jihadist Propaganda. Wonder where Australia rates for Brainwashing propaganda to leftist agendas at the moment….is there a position above No. 1.


Police cars torched in Georgia, USA.


A Victorian woman struck down with the flu has given birth whilst she is in a coma.


Migrants shutdown a French University Campus.


US opens first permanent Military base in Israel….Iran says ‘not happy Jan’. Which doesn’t sound as funny in Arabic.


Senate approves $700 billion military budget.


A woman called 000 for an ambulance as she was experiencing pain….She lived in Ballart and they sent a cab.


New Aussie $10 goes into circulation. Please can you send me a couple. If everyone did that….I would be happy.


Two men dead following a glider crash in South East Queensland.


Rohingy Muslim’s being wiped off the map in Myanmar.


Turbulence may be a thing of the past….Boeing is working on fixing it.


Mexico shaken by a 7.1 magnitude shake, collapsing buildings.


Wall Street up 39 points.


Chicago deploys more police as the city marks its 500th homicide for the year.


Have an amazing Wednesday.

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19th September 2017 Morning News Wrap.

M68!: Morning News Wrap. From around the Globe to your Frontal Lobe. Good Morning. Here is the News:


Melbourne Family grieving after their little 8 year daughter died from the flu.


An international student has been killed in a car crash in Sydney’s West just two months after arriving to study.


A 25 year old man has been charged with the murder of his mother after her body was found in Avalon.


Pauline Hanson blames immigrants for congestion on the Gold Coast’s M1.


Former Cricketer Bob Holland has died.


Nicole Kidman won an Emmy and thanked only two of her four children….Whoops….I guess when you have so many….


Parents are being warned to check their kids for ticks after a ’horror tick season’. Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the park.


The complaints against the recent Lamb ad have been rejected….apparently they have had the wool pulled over their eyes….Anyway the Ad Agency are now considered the black sheep of the family….oh wait….can’t say black.


Ice-cool Soviet officer who averted WWIII quietly dies…. Thank you Mr Russian for not pressing the button.


Trump wants to make the UN great again…but then backs down by suggesting that the UN has never been great.


Wall Street up 63 points.


Over 3000 new US troops head to Afghanistan.


Malaysia scraps an annual beer festival due to complaints from the Islamic Party.


Pueto Rico and Virgin Islands brace for another major Hurricane, Maria….Here is a fun fact….Richard Branson was once stuck on the Virgin Islands after a holiday and after a commercial airline cancelled a flight….so he hired a plane and then sold tickets to the other stranded passengers and flew home….and thus was the first flight of the now named Virgin Airlines.


3 people have been killed and 16 injured in a bus crash in Queens.


16-year-old girl has been raped by Asylum Seekers in Germany.


The water at Niagara Falls has become black and smelly.


Have a super Tuesday.

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